#50

By Sarah L. Myers
New York, USA

My Five Favorite Horror Films

There is simply no better time of year, is there? New York City on Halloween is second only to New Year's Eve when it comes to two things: partying and trying to get a cab at the end of the night. My levels of fanfare reach seismic proportions, as usually does my hair and platforms as well. I've been a murderous ice cream cone, a fallen trapeze artist, Rob Zombie's Baby Firefly, Baby Jane Hudson, and Tippi Hedren….after the birds got her. Those episodes reach far back in Thirsty history, so I'll leave it for you readers to explore.

For this special edition of Trash, I've decided to rank five of my finest and favorite horror films in descending order. Most aren't critically acclaimed, but when the audience was my brother and I, watching between feverish fingers pressed over our eyes, there was definitely appreciation.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – Nothing tops the pure terror displayed in its 90 brutal minutes. I was 14 years old the first time I saw it. My younger cousin and I holed up on the couch, my parents asleep, the living room dark, our Indiana backyard full of nothing but a cornfield. (Children of the Corn is another childhood nightmare of mine, thanks to this upbringing!) Two moments in particular ruined my nights for years to come. Leatherface's first emergence, hammer in hand, followed by the metallic clang of the sliding door and various atonal, ominous sounds, stuck in my head like a jingle. The encore is our hero flashed with light, chainsaw over his head, as he cuts down poor Franklin. This also cut down your humble narrator, who promptly fell off the couch.

Dawn of the Dead (2004) – What a remake! Adding Ty Burrell to anything amps up the rating exponentially. This one gets you in the throat and only releases hold when making you laugh. I saw this on a very special date with a very special person, and I still remember the moment in the film when his knee touched mine. I waited months for this to come out on DVD, just so I could replay that moment again and again. Odd to equate such a romantic moment to one of zombies getting double tapped, but relationships sometimes have moments just as painful, right?

Dolls (1987) – An underrated gem from master Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator) and another childhood favorite. What I once found terrifying now reads as silly, but my great-grandmother was a professional doll collector so sort that out. There were two ways into the bathroom at their house, and one involved passing through the Doll Room. A ticking clock was all I heard as I makeshifted blinders with cupped palms, only looking toward the bathroom door and not at the marbled glares shining through the dark. Dolls is also an early rock n' roll memory, as I wanted to be just like fallen punk rocker Bunty Bailey (a.k.a. Billy Idol's lady) in her leather miniskirt.

The House of the Devil (2009) – Director/writer Ti West most certainly grew up browsing the same clamshell box VHS tapes as we did. This movie is just badass. A true throwback, our damsel bops around with a Walkman when she's not running for her life, feathered hair bouncing with each step. What's so cool about this movie is its lack of kitsch. This isn't done ironically. It's a true tribute to the times, captured here in brilliant freeze frames and closing credits. It's also actually scary, promising a few truly gasp-worthy moments. Watch out for Thirsty hero Mary Woronov!

Cabin Fever (2002) – Eli Roth snagged me with one tiny flash of film: Rider Strong (Boy Meets World) wakes up on a stretcher and is wheeled past a patient with a doctor…in a plush bunny suit. It's this little ode to The Shining, combined with Sam Raimi cuts and Wes Craven dialogue, that propels Cabin Fever into my top five. There's also a subtle nod to a famous Texas Chainsaw scene and a hilariously bizarre sequence involving a feral Kung Fu master named Dennis. I love showing this one to first-timers and counting the "what?!?!?!"s. Roth went on to gift us with Hostel and The Green Inferno, which lies in release limbo, as only the best horror flicks often do. You'll rethink everything from shaving to pancakes after indulging in this slice of horror!

The weather is now perfect for nights inside, curled up with disgusting and shocking cinema. As for Thirsty nights out, stay tuned for reports from Sally Can't Dance – Bowery Electric's newest freaks n' all party! Now if only Glamdammit fell on actual Halloween night… maybe next year.

Until next time…stay thirsty!

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